I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
