no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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