I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize