I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dicks are not precious.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
