I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
