i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
