Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
