I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
