so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
