I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
