The maid of honor just puked.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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