im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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