I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
