I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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