i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
