at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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