Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
