Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
