I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize