You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
