I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
