How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
