; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
