I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
