I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
