C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
