Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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