gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
