Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
