Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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