Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
