Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
please come you make the beer taste better
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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