Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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