he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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