i need an iv and a liver transplant
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
