So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
