I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
