I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
