my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
