Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
