Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
