Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
