It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
