oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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