Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
