you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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