Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry Vanke hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(612): View more from Minnesota

Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.

Fav 8 3380 1069
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around

Fav 14 2552 6339
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.

Fav 32 1863 5569
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes

Fav 10 3784 1616
share tweet
(501): View more from Arkansas

I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.

Fav 9 4902 1400
share tweet
(239): View more from Florida

i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.

Fav 6 1200 2940
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(262): View more from Wisconsin

I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!

Fav 10 2781 933
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(502): View more from Kentucky

MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.

Fav 1 51 4
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(604): View more from British Columbia

i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?

(778): View more from British Columbia

haha no, it was majik

Fav 0 62 5
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT