i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
MIDGETS
????
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize