WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
