i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
