My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
