Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
