was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
