i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
