you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
