I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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