I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
