he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize