all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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