thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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