I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
