i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
