I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
