Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
