Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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