I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
