dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
