i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
