Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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