The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
