I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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