She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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