I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
