I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
