I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
apparently the secret to your success is patron
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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