Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We're too hungover to prance.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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