atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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