Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
