You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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