Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
