happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
