You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
