the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize