There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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