My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
