i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do vagina's smell?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
