No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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