Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
