Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
