Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
