I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
