I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
