how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
