Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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